Fail Gracefully to Achieve Self Awareness

It’s a challenge to quantify the self-described leadership pundits who claim to offer “quick fix” advice to aspiring leaders in the form of books, blogs, speaking engagements, and seminars.

Their answer to great leadership is often: “Open the box. Add boiling water. Voila! Instant Excellence!”

But excellence isn’t instant. It cannot be so easily defined and, certainly, not so easily ascertained because leadership is a complex recipe involving diverse ingredients.

In previous posts, I have touched upon the Four Intangibles of Successful Leadership:

• Honesty – Tell and live by the truth
• Humility – Be truly humble within yourself and toward others
• Empathy – Seek first to understand and respect others’ reality
• Integrity – Consistently do the right thing, at all times, in all situations

I believe that a lack of any of the above doesn’t eliminate the ability to lead but rather lessens the ability to lead brilliantly.

To achieve the intangibles, you get no magic box nor bean and certainly no bean stalk; you are not given a treasure map. The secret to attaining these absolute and critical intangible qualities resides in “Self Awareness”.

What is it?

Most people don’t recognize their deficiencies because they are not actually self aware.  Becoming more self aware can happen in many ways and I contend that the most common path for people to gain self-awareness is to fail graciously.

Failing gracefully is the act of maximizing the learning opportunity associated with each and every failure that one experiences. It is to reach inside of an unsuccessful attempt and find the moral, the lessons, and the virtues that the event has provided and to apply that to future opportunities.

I’m the Problem and The Solution

Hubris cripples humility; foregoing the former can seem an unconquerable foe. To the hubristic, humility is a four letter word; the probability of giving credit, where due, can be a painful prospect. How do I know? I struggled with this and, at times, still do. However, I have no doubt that achieving greater humility improves my ability to lead.

I became appreciably more humble upon failing several times in my career due to excessive arrogance; in one circumstance, it nearly cost me my job.  In another, it cost me a promotion.  After a number of missed opportunities, I gained the  awareness that I was the problem and that I held the solution.

The Issue of Control

The acknowledgement of my hubris came only through failing gracefully.  The decision to alter my perspective came to me because I began to understand the importance of control.  To self actualize and achieve the intangible leadership qualities, one must first recognize that one DOES control one’s situation. I contend that, inherently, most people don’t really change. I do believe, however, that the only way to achieve deep and sustainable improvement is through genuine incorporation of the Four Intangibles.

What it all Means

There is no absolute, formulaic solution to great leadership; there isn’t one book in the world that can accurately represent the entire concept.  Leadership is a process. There is no alpha and no omega.  Great leadership is achieved through continuous learning, application, and enlightenment.  Only when you appreciate, understand, and genuinely dedicate yourself to applying the Four Intangibles will you achieve the next level of leadership.

But first….you must fail gracefully.

Welcome back everyone!  We have arrived – 4/4 – the finale – the last of the 4 intangibles of Successful Leadership.

First, a quick refresher of the first 3 intangibles along with a summary (in 8 words or less).

1. Humility – Fail with grace (Do you?)
2. Honesty – Always be truthful – and diplomatic (This is tricky)
3. Empathy – Aspire to understand others (Genuinely)

With these three things behind us, what rounds all of these off like a fine full bodied red wine with a perfectly prepared 12oz Filet Mignon?

Integrity.

Yep, that is it, the 4th and final intangible of successful leadership can be achieved by performing your responsibilities as a leader with unwavering integrity.

By one definition, Integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes.

Let’s look at the pieces above and throw some questions out there to further explore why each piece of integrity is so critical.

Consistency of Actions – Is your behavior something to model after? Do you do and say the same thing?

Consistency of Values – Are your values well understood? Do you waiver on tough subjects? Can you be counted on to act out of eyesight the same as when you are being watched?

Consistency of Methods – How do you lead? Do you treat people the same? Do you play favorites? How do you approach adversity vs. prosperity?

Consistency of Principles – One question, Do you do the right thing when no one is looking?

Consistency of Expectations – I’m adamant about this one.  Expectations must be clearly understood.  Do you do this? Do your teams know what is expected from them and how they will be evaluated on this?

Consistency of Outcomes – The proof is in the pudding.  What are your results?

To truly be a “High Integrity” leader, the questions above must be asked and answered correctly. Then they must become part of your inner leadership, to be in your everyday routine, and they must be implanted in your soul where the core of leadership lies.

In a minute, can you become a great leader? I would say no, but the intangibles we have discussed over the past several weeks.  Those I say with confidence are the key.  Better yet…

It only takes 4.  That is it.  Great education, aptitude, and acumen can only be fully realized if they coupled with these intangibles.  These 4 however, are not achievable just by talking about them.  They take discipline and a commitment to excellence.  However, if you do the work to realize them all, the payoff is well worth the effort.

So when do we start? Like every other worthwhile endeavor – “Fire when ready.” I assure you will be glad that you did.

Each week the subject matter will change, and these minutes will cover the content on a very high level. Perhaps serving as an intro/idea to a future blog. Over the first four weeks, we are going to cover what I refer to as the 4 intangibles of successful leadership.

In the first edition of “The Leadership Minute,” we will dive into the first intangible…HUMILITY

First, let’s take a quick look at a simple yet effective definition of humility -> Humility is the quality or condition of being humble; a modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.

Why is it so important in leadership?

In the real world, the evaluation of leadership is often measured entirely by the outcome. Those who net successful results are deemed as great leaders, and those that are less successful fall somewhere else in the spectrum.

What is often left unsaid, is the process by which the successful leader achieved greatness? How many times did that person strike out, fail, fall short, or run into major road blocks in their individual road to great leadership? The continued effort to perform by that leader is reflective of their perseverance, which is often found in successful leaders. However, most great leaders have endured some horrific failures, and they were humbled by those failures. It was this helped them to become stronger leaders and to better appreciate their ultimate success.

There is no question that some people of great arrogance and/or inflated self image are able to achieve individual success (By their own measure of success of course). This is often seen in pro sports (Terrell Owens, Jay Cutler), hollywood (Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen), business (Top Sales, Engineers, Inventors), and social communities (Think about the nosey neighbor that knows everything about everyone). When you consider the above examples, these personality types destroy franchises, shows, sales teams, businesses, families, and communities with their self serving antics.

As a leader of others, arrogance needs to be replaced with humility. Being humble does not mean that you cannot have self confidence or be acutely aware of your strengths. People who are humble often are very cognizant of their contribution and value, but they don’t feel the need to put themselves ahead of the goal of the team. That very belief is why humility is one key to great leadership.

Are you a Humble Leader?  Thoughts, Tips, and Tricks:

• Do you constantly feel the need to take credit for your contribution? Try to avoid this behavior, credit given always supersedes credit taken
• Are you willing to take ownership of your mistakes and learn from them? Great leaders tend to embrace their mistakes as to not repeat them and to improve future performance.
• Do you recognize whether you are perceived as arrogant? Sometimes, a lack of self awareness can be the difference with an intangible such as humility.  You may believe you are humble and others think you are arrogant.  Perhaps speak with someone you trust and ask their feedback on this.